Credit & Debit

Where my reason, imagination or interest were not engaged, I would not or I could not learn. - Winston Churchill

Some of you might know that I have been avoiding anything to do with acounting all my life despite the fact that I have uncles who do that (and tax) for a living and my youngest niece is in the cadet programme in which one of the big accounting firms is paying for her tuition and a salary for her to complete her degree in accounting and law. I don't know whether it was a natural aversion (but I am not afraid of numbers or I would not have finished my own undergraduate study) or it was the rebellious side of me saying no to it. I finally have to deal with the subject head on...

Changes in the market means I have to learn new tricks to remain employable. Accounting and Tax is the theme at work and I am not able to balance a balance sheet.

Fortunately, a colleague in London was assigned the task to teach me during his Asia visit. His description of our course was IAS at 100 miles/hour. It wasn't easy but with someone who actually understands accounting, it starts to make sense now. This weekend will be study time though.

A small step for me, a big step for my secretary

The comfort from my morning 糯米鸡 didn't last very long. When I came back from a client meeting, I was told that a teach-in was switched to 2pm and a conference call with a client on a live deal will also start at 2pm. Problem and somehow, my secretary thought it was me being difficult..... I should go to Hogwarts and learn the spell so that I can travel back and forth in time!

I asked my secretary to reschedule our teach-in and the feedback was a perfect example of a Less is More "no room". It carries the following unspoke messages:

- I do not want to do anything beyond that
- Get lost

I asked if a makeshift meeting room next to our office was available and this is how the conversation went:

"Someone in ECM booked it"

"Do you know who booked it"

"So & So"

"Can we ask if So & So is willing to use the small office next door if he's just using the meeting room for conference call"

"They have priority"

"If he's having a small meeting or conference call, perhaps he'll be willing to use the small office instead. Can you check please?"

"They have priority"

I realized the conversation would not go anywhere and I took the matter in my hands before I blew up on my secretary. A short email was sent as So & So wasn't at his desk. Within minutes, I got the reply that I was looking for "No worries, all yours" at the expense of a coffee from Robuchon (I figure I can still afford it). All sorted and it didn't cost me an arm and a leg.

Why is it so difficult for people to be logical and reasonable? Is it that important to stick with the rules when there is a clear problem if the rules are followed? BTW, we are not committing a crime by breaking the "protocol" which was set by a bunch of people who have no comprehension of practicality.

Common sense is so not common!

The beauty of 糯米鸡 (Sticky Rice in Lotus Leaves)

I had to come to work early this morning and got off the taxi at the old Mandarin Oriental. Across the street is one of my favourite fast food shops. I know, it's not exactly healthy but I wanted to have something warm. I ordered a 糯米鸡 (Sticky Rice in Lotus Leaves, "Nor Mai Gai") and left the shop with a big smile on my face. It's usually sold out by 8:30am!

The 糯米鸡 is not as good as the ones I had as a child but I think it's the memory of it that makes it my comfort food. My parents used to send my brother and me to buy 糯米鸡 from the old man who steamed his 糯米鸡 in a big barrel on a wooden trolley in Winter nights. 糯米鸡 allows me to be a child again. The only worry I had back then was when I would turn 10 (double digit was a big thing somehow when I was young).

It's 9am and I would better read all the files before people start coming in to the office. The beautiful quiet morning is almost over.....

Flipping burgers

The ad "Help Wanted" at a burger joint that I frequent caught my eye yesterday. What if I quit my job and work at the burger place? I suspect the experience will be a very important lesson in my life.

First, I will be closer to reality. People in my industry have a very distorted world view. I started working in the midst of a market downturn. Yet, I was making more money than my classmates who slaved away as engineers. Those who were in med school were living around the poverty line. People around me at work were talking about holiday in exotic locations, buying second vacation home (Not second home but second VACATION home) in Southern France, converting old church in Austria into yet another vacation home. Weekends was about going to parties with other high-fliers, getting the boat out...etc. Let's take a minute to do the maths, they probably need to pay about USD 20K to 30K a month (back then!) for the mortgages around the world. I could only think of owners of conglomerates or criminals to be able to rake in that much money each month. If I flip burgers for a living, I will have to learn to live on a USD 1000 salary (if I am lucky). Guess what? That's the salary that lots of people in this city have to support a family of 4!

Second, I will have a real skill. When I was a trainee, I was told that we do really sophisticated work that requires genius to do. For a long time, I kind of believed in the I am smarter than most portion. That speech made me feel good and why shouldn't I believe in it? Then, I had a child. She pulled me back to planet Earth. A mother who is illiterate knows how to read the body language of an infant better than I do. I review my work again, lots of it is to move things around to come with a "solution". Not something that adds value to the world. If anything, it's making the rich richer... If I flip burger, at least I will learn not to spoil someone else's lunch.

Third, do I need a third? Lived in fantasy world for long enough and should really reconnect with other homo sapiens who got real problems to worry about.

Mother nature

I woke up at six this morning from a bad sleep. The humidity, the temperature, and Changunnie's foot in my face made it pretty difficult to sleep. Anyway, I opened the curtain and saw this amazing sight.

At 6am, on my right, I saw the morning blue sky and visibility was great. I turned to the left, I couldn't see the moutains in the Sai Kung country park. A cloud of heavy fog rose up from the Valley and within 10 minutes, took over the blue sky on the right of my home. By the time I could see nothing but cloud outside of my window, it was 6:15.

I was too in awe that I forgot to take a picture of the movement of fog.

I do not like the humidity in general but without it, plants don't grow well. If plants aren't growing well, we don't get food, herbs and fresh air. Soil will be lose and can easily have landslide when rainy season comes. It is not too difficult to understand how there's a reason for everything in nature.

Mark down 8:30 - 9:30 on March 28 (Sat). Time to turn off the light and be thankful of what nature gave us. Time to do something to give back.

http://www.earthhour.org.hk/eng/hkeveryday.html

In search of a reason

I tried to nap with Changunnie and failed. The one thing that bothers me is why am I going to work each morning?

My job was what I dreamed of as a kid; I look at a situation and I find a solution. Then, I move on to the next problem. Somehow, it's not quite the same now.

I am not going to claim I am innocent but I do not participate in office politics simply because I don't think I am up there in terms of seniority (read title and connection, not experience) and I am not as political savvy as the others. The fact that I still get angry says how immature I am in the world of office politics. If I know the odds is not on my side no matter how I look at it, I don't touch it.

Since fourth quarter last year, I have been an unwilling participant in order to protect myself and people I care in the team (which I failed) but it gets to a point where I feel like walking out. The people I have to deal with are known as dodo birds (and there is a whole clan of them!) and some are aptly named after characters in children programmes. Talking to them exhausts me because my mouth has to move faster than my brain. I leave work every day without a sense of satisfaction that I used to have. I was told by the senior coverage person that we got the commitment of a client for a transaction that I pitched (which came out as my attempt to keep a meeting going instead of wrapping up after five minutes from introduction). It was supposed to be a good thing as the client is new and big and for a long time, we could not really get them bank with us. Do I feel happy? Not really. A number of people are already making noises because they think it should have been their deal.....

If it's not because of the mortgage, I don't think I can wake up in the morning to go to work but I need a stronger reason than that. I should be grateful that I still have a job when the unemployment figure is rising every day but I cannot.

She's just not that into teaching

I was at a business lunch trying to navigate my way through landmines similar in scale to that in Cambodia, hoping I don't lose an arm and a leg by the end of it. My phone rang just when we were getting the bill and I had grandma on the other end, didn't sound too happy. Turned out Changunnie left her playgroup early that day because the teacher pushed Changunnie away when Changunnie approached her for a hug. Grandpa was upset and decided to call it a day.

I still haven't gotten a chance to talk to the supervisor of the school but I can see what happened as I took Changunnie to her class twice since she got promoted from baby group to toddlers group.

I remember my first grade Chinese teacher and she defined the term good teacher for me. My mum passed away when I was in kindergarten and my father had to work. It wasn't easy to get help in late 70s in Hong Kong. Day care centre was not available and no matter how nice our neighbours were, my father did not want to send me to five different homes each day during the week. Sending me to school early seemed to be a good choice but I was too young for first grade that fall. I was not qualified to go to primary school as a five year old if we followed the small prints in the policy. My father submitted the application anyway. I miraculously passed all the academic tests. The ultimate test was the interview to see if I were socially inept. I think my father did a good job explaining the situation and convinced the teachers that I would not pee in my pants (yes! it was a criteria) and I got the special permission.

School started and Mrs Chan, my Chinese teacher whom I met at the interview, made it her mission to look after me, the troubled and youngest in class. We were told to make cards for our mothers for Mother's days. Instead of letting me to skip the assignment so that Mrs Chan didn't have to deal with the crying, she helped me to accept the fact that my situation was different. She encouraged me to write to my mum, telling her how much I missed her and that helped me to deal with the loss. We had to assemble at the hall by the end of the day. Mrs chan always held my hand till my family showed up to take me home. She showed me that a good teacher not only teaches her students about school work but also cares about their well-being.

Ms Nancy, the Chinese teacher of Changunnie's old playgroup reminded me of Mrs Chan. She knows Changunnie's first language is not Chinese and she made extra effort to teach Changunnie the vocabularies they used that day. When Changunnie graduated from baby class to toddlers class, Ms Nancy spoke to the new teacher about Changunnie's situation and reminded the new teacher to look after Changunnie.

I went to the first toddlers class with Changunnie. The English session was ok. Mr Ryan was happy to let the children to run around in the classroom. After all, you cannot really ask a group of two to three year old children to sit still for one and half hours. Mr Ryan responded to the children well. Holding hand, hugging, leading them to do different activities, a high five to encourage a job well done, a friendly reminder not to stray away.... all well.

During the Chinese class, the new teacher simply wanted parents or guardians to hold the children tight so that she could finish reading the story book. No one was supposed to walk around or to ask a question. Changunnie was not interested in the new teacher's dramatic story telling style and the trouble began. The teacher repeatedly scolded me for not holding Changunnie in place. I was not pleased and did not obliged as Changunnie did not disturb anyone.

Then, grandma told me what happened when Changunnie tried to hug the teacher. Children are very simple and honest creatures. They hug people to say they are happy and comfortable. An early education should be able to handle the hug better than pushing the child away. I am not asking the teacher to love her class as I know that is unfair but shouldn't the teacher appreciate and responds better to a child?

If you are going through hell, keep going

- Winston Churchill

Logic seems to defy gravity these days. Not only do people who don't deserve to keep their job have a job, they are trying to claim all the credit they have no right to. The best part? That's the sort who are in the top performing category!

We were invited by another bank to work on the deal together because of our expertise in that particular area. We followed all internal policy and guidelines in terms of logging the deal and forming the deal team.

During the seven months when the two banks and outside counsels slaved away to close the deal, no one from outside of our department ever showed up at our door steps to offer any help. In fact, other people didn't even bother to ask if we wanted dinner delivery when they were having fun chatting away in the office while we were on long conference calls till midnight.

Two days after we received the fee from the client, my phone rang and a colleague wanted credit because he claimed to have introduced the client to my group. Unless I live in the matrix, he asked me to set up a meeting with the same client and introduce him and his team to the client a week ago. Where is the Oracle? Neo!!!

As if my life in the office is not interesting enough, I had the pleasaure to deal with someone who has no basic understanding of respect. I'm not talking about Ali G style respect (I wish I were as there's a neat way to deal with the problem in that world). What is it with having to think aloud and force others to go through basic stuff and then screamed at the top of his lungs that "This is 101 material! I didn't add anything new! Just answer me yes or no!" I was not impressed in our first encounter. The tone was condescending and so was the body language. Is that person a genius? Think the chance of me winning the nobel prize in Physics in 30 years is higher.

There are also lots of politics and frankly, I am mentally drained just to think about them.

That's how pathetic my work life is. I would have packed my stuff and left but cannot do it in the same market. Yes, I am indeed going through hell and I don't have any choice but to keep going. When am I going to see the light of the other end of the tunnel? Hope I am not walking in the Delaware Aqueduct!

Shanghai, after a long absence

I woke up early to catch the first flight to Shanghai this morning for a client meeting. It's been about a year since I last set foot in Shanghai and I saw new buildings under construction with familiar acronyms. The strange thing is, I didn't see crowds of workers around the site like I expected. When I looked more closely at those fancy river-side apartment buildings in Pudong, there was no sign of occupancy.

My first reaction was whether I was looking at distressed properties. My way of thinking is no matter how low the price I pay for an investment, if I cannot sell it or rent it out at a price that justifies my return profile, it's not a good investment. The scariest thing was, I could not tag a figure to the developments.

I had a chat with my neighbour on a flight back in February. We both wondered whether the economy is really that bad or our spending and plan to spend was influenced by the picture drawn by the media?

If I go out to splurge, I could be wrong about my read of the economy and ended up wasting my bullets to carry me through this downturn. If people don't spend, it's almost certain that the economy won't get adequate support to recover. I don't believe in stimulus package by the government alone can save the world. To spend or not to spend and that's the question!

I don't like mummy!

It was a normal day at home yesterday until bed time. Changunnie insisted on having daddy to read to her and they had a late snack together. (Her pronunciation of Croissant was amazingly french! Should put a lock on the cable box. She's the one who watches more T&L, Food Channel than I do!!) When I was ready to step in to put Changunnie to sleep, she quickly took her daddy's hand and said "I don't like mummy!" As if she worried the effect may not be felt, she turned around and proclaimed her love for her daddy.

It wasn't too long ago when she had her second birthday and we are experiencing something brand new. She used to see me as the centre of her world. I had the word food written all over my face in the first few months of her life! Daddy used to mean someone fun to hang out with if you don't mind being dropped on your head or not getting your meal promptly. What happened overnight? She was still kissing and hugging me the night before!

Maybe it's nature's way to teach me about separation anxiety so that I will be more prepared when she goes to college. No matter what I say, I have a wicked feeling that I could be the stalker type mum, registering myself for classes at Changunnie's school and try to follow her around campus....

On a more positive note, it's finally my turn to nap on the weekend, to sleep early at night, squeeze in some fun things to do during the day. I haven't been to the cinema in a long time. I watch my movies on the plane (and so ended up watching the same thing at least twice). I haven't been to the spa in 3 years as I didn't go for any massage when I was pregnant for fear of having a premature delivery. What should I do this weekend? Maybe I can watch Slumdogs Millionaire at a cinema!!

You don't know what your mother can do for you

I know it's not right to eavesdrop but I couldn't help when two ladies in front of me on a very crowded street during lunch time in Central talks loudly.

A: .... being late makes you smarter.

B: Really?

A: That's the case of Einstein. Because he was late, his brain is a lot bigger. Look at the size of his head in pictures!

The light turned green and I moved on.

I have the book of Einstein's speeches and there is a picture of him on the inside sleeve. His head was big but so was his hair (I think he defined bed head!)

I know Einstein was supposed to have some learning disability as a kid. I imagine that is not the cause of being smart but just one of the many challenges he overcame in his life.

So, what can that lateness be? Ah! Gotta be he was an overdue baby! Doctors consider 37 weeks as full term. Overdue is normal, especially for the first born but the doctor will either induce or operate to bring the baby to the world if it's TOO overdue as the placenta starts to degenerate and the baby may not be getting enough nutrients and more importantly oxygen inside the womb which can actually impair the brain and cause all sorts of problems in the future. That's why you give birth naturally between 37 to 41 weeks.

I still cannot connect the big head, lateness and intelligence that those two ladies were talking about. There's a famous Cantonese saying 头大无脑,脑大生草(A large skull may not be fully filled with a brain. A large brain may have a big cavity). If I don't wear a size 58 hat, does that make me stupid? If I can ever have #2, should I keep #2 in me for as long as possible so that I am not depriving my baby from being smart? Sorry Changunnie, you were just full term, not overdue...mummy won't force you to apply for Caltech when you turn 15.

The conclusion I have is a mother will go through any pain to give the best to her children. Whether it is the danger that an expecting mother has to endure (for those who aren't mothers, giving birth is a common cause of death of women in less developed countries. It's indeed dangerous), eating the best food to provide for the fetus to finding the right school for you, attending PTA, worrying about whether you have the right career choice, dating the right people....etc. The list goes on and I cannot quite finish it. All I want to say is the next time you want to talk back when your mother is giving you a lecture, bite your lips before you say a word. Your mother could have gone for a Cesarean at 28 weeks!

Swear like a sailor

We have been reading Curious George to Changunnie and I decided to take her to a library on Sunday.

It was a very pleasant trip (at first.... keep reading!). Changunnie was ecstatic to hang out with older children. There were rows and rows of book cases and she saw the trolleys she read about in Curious George Goes to the Library. The children floor at the library was pretty well designed. Cushioned sofas, activities room, multi-media room... I was impressed and lots of good old memories came back. I used to go to the library across the street from our old home every day after school. I read Jin Yong (金庸) for the first time there and have been hooked ever since.

Grandma thinks it's not a good idea to let Changunnie listen to music on my iPod as I don't have enough classical music. I think it's fine for her to listen to Swing Out Sisters and Us3 but well... We were picking CDs when I heard a very loud voice swearing at the speed of light in complex sentences in the background. I have to say I was quite shocked to hear how "fluent" that person was despite the fact that I work in an environment where etiquette is not always on top of people's priority list and there are people around me who cannot express themselves without the introduction of profanity into their speech. I pulled Changunnie behind me and looked. A teenager about 15 to 16 of age was screaming at the librarians and security guards around him. The way he moved his limbs and how he turned his head around said something was not quite right with him. Just then, a middle age woman rushed up to pin him on a column. She kept saying "tell mummy what happened. Calm down, mummy will help you." She didn't care if people were looking at her and her son like some caged animals. People pointed and whispered. Eye contacts triggered the son to have another outburst.

I took Changunnie home soon after and did not know how it ended. I couldn't stop thinking of how difficult it was for that mother and I have lots of respect for her. People in town are still pretty ignorant and there is a general lack of respect for other people. Breastfeeding in public area attracts a crowd. Giving seat to people more in need on public transportation is considered as an act of stupidity. People circle up to watch injured passengers/pedestrains from car accident but no one calls for help.

When I was young, there was a stronger sense of community. We knew our neighbours and no one locked the doors. Yet, people knew better than to put their fingers on someone else's business. What had happened?