Comfort Food - big lotus seed paste bun

I don't have an old Teddy bear without an eye or a square of what was a blanket. Whenever I go through a tough time, I think of those old style lotus seed paste bun.

Before my mum passed away, she would take me to a dim sum restaurant in the neighbourhood. It wasn't a fancy place but it was my day out to see the world outside of our home and I knew if I behaved, I would get my lotus seed paste bun. The bun that I remember was about the size of two fists together. So big that the restaurant steamed 12 of them in a big bamboo basket and the old lady put the bun on a saucer to serve. The bread was soft. The lotus seed paste was like soft butter and wasn't overly sweet but I could taste the lotus seed in my mouth even after chowing down the bun. Steam came out and blurred my vision when I cracked open the bun to find the duck egg yolk inside. The bun was warm and so was the way I felt. I felt like the most fortunate person in the world, with a warm bun in my hand, sitting next to my mother.

It all stopped when my mum passed away. My father stopped cooking all the special dishes and we didn't go for dim sum that much. Each time we went, I wanted my bun.

I know that if I'm upset about something, I can get a bun and I could feel the comfort of having my mother by my side.

Buns these days don't taste the same as the ones I remember. I'm going to go to different places to try out the buns and I'll record each tasting in search of my perfect bun and to relive the moment I had with my mother